mumblejumble
i really enjoy talking to people, especially during this time of the year when i have a couple days at home to catch up with people i haven’t seen in a couple months.
however, lately i’ve seemed to have lost the ability to speak coherently. has that ever happened to you? i really have no idea why 1. this really hasnt happened to me before but is happening to me now 2. why it is happening with no apparent reason, i really cant figure it out.
in any case, i’ve come to terms with it and in the process i considered the possibility that God gave me this “impediment” so that i can stay humble. maybe there’s danger in always being able to articulate things the way that you want to, or in my case, articulating anything the way that you want to (just kidding, it’s actually not that bad). but really, maybe this hopefully temporary problem of mine will help me remember that it’s not me who speaks to people when i’m sharing my experiences, giving people advice, etc. it’s alll God.
P.S. I got almost got cited for talking on the phone while driving today. PTLLLL the policeman had mercy on me!
P.P.S. I’m thinking that maybe I’m so out of shape that my shortness of breath has lent to my speech impediment.
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lovebound
this winter break i want to:
read my Bible
read Desiring God by John Piper
read Crazy Loveby Francis Chan
blog a lot about the things that God is teaching me in life.
learn photoshop forreals
experience Shanghai (and take pretty pictures)
love my family
learn more about myself
I’m tired of putting God on the back burner.
I want to be tired of putting God on the back burner.
I realized today during the release for SBECC’s new album Lovebound that pretty much this entire past semester I’ve been putting God off, telling Him that I will spend time with Him after my homework is done, after I finish my Haas application, after I finish my finals… after just one more thing. I guess it’s because I feel like all these “things” can’t wait. it’s like i have a list of tasks each with timers on them, and if i dont attend to them, if i dont give them priority in my life then i will fail at them.
It’s seriously so easy to feel like 20/30 mins of my life spent with God is a waste at the moment that i need it most, but at the same time i vividly remember all the times during my devotionals when God pours out so extravagantly to me in the 5.. 10 mins that i choose to give to him.
Today I remembered that God has a heart that is just as fragile as ours. In fact, i bet God’s heart is capable of feeling 1000000fold ours.
I can’t even imagine how painful it must it be for Him when we betray Him and turn to our idols, whether its schoolwork, friends, tv shows… whatever.
I’m inspired. I want to be lovebound. So deeply captivated, so deeply involved in God’s love that there is no other desire for me. Yeah, I do have a heck of a long way to go, but I’d like to believe that, in every day and every moment, there’s nowhere else i’d rather be.
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Tags: lovebound
God, it’s just you and me, and all of the people.
(:
send us rain, Daddy! pure, cleansing, life-giving rain.
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“Show me your ways, O Lord, teach me your paths;
guide me in your truth and teach me,
for you are God my Savior,
and my hope is in you all day long,”
Psalm 25:4-5
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mmm
The fair new petals must fall, for no visible reason.
No one seems enriched by the stripping.
And the first step into the realm of giving is a like surrender– not manward by Godward: an utter yielding of our best.
So long as our idea of surrender is limited to the renouncing of unlawful things, we have never grasped its true meaning: that is not worthy of the name for “no polluted thing” can be offered.
The life lost on the Cross was not a sinful one– the treasure poured forth there was God-given, God-blessed treasure, lawful and right to be kept: only that there was the life of the world at stake.
-Lilias Trotter
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the greatest commandent of all
all i can say about the past couple weeks is how powerful the Spirit works when it chooses to invade our hearts and speak truth, revelation, and conviction into our wretched selves. i’m gonna attempt to share just a little :]
yk2 summer retreat 2009 (theme All In), couple of notable quotes/ideas from Ted Ewing’s messages:
during seasons of transition remember one thing: cast off all voices but the soft and gentle voice of God. while the Israelites were crossing the Jordan into the Promise Land God impressed upon them this one law to “impress upon [their] children, talk about when [they] sit at home and when [they] walk along the road and when [they] lie down and get up, tie to [their] hands and foreheads, and to write on their doorframes and gates” Deut. 6:7-8:
“Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength.” Deut 6:5
this was such a blessing to hear, especially while I’m switching majors, because it is seriously so easy for me to overlook all the voices in my heart that aren’t from God- all the voices that intimidate me, that scare me, that tell me I will fail.. and if only i could hold on to the truth that God will sustain me and bring all things to completion if it is His will, and that He will supply for all my needs. Matthew 6:33.
Love is not a victim of my emotions, but a servant of my will.
Can love be measured? Our love is measured through our obedience to Christ. John 14:21 “Whoever has my commands and obeys them, he is the one who loves me”.
Immerse yourself in the Word. Love it, live in it, live it out, talk about it, long for it. There is a spiritual battle going on that we will never be aware of if we don’t delve into the Word.
Hebrews 5- Solid food is not for the brains, but for the obedient, who through practice have their senses trained to discern between good and evil.
God never uses a man greatly until He hurts him deeply. 2 Tim 4:6-8
You are becoming the person that you are tomorrow today. Don’t wait and put things off for another day, do it now.
The problem is that the renovation of the heart comes slow.
Good doxology is always rooted in good theology. (amen.)
If you wanna stay all in, surround yourself with people who are all in.
Dear God,
I now know that when You reveal Your heart to man, there is no helping the surrender that proceeds as our response. God I give it all to You, not because I want to, but because I cannot help but respond to a love and conviction of truth far beyond all that I hold dear. I want to know You, to know and live and breathe in the Word, to dwell consistently in the assurance of honest prayer, and to seek Your presence with desperation and the knowledge that nothing else can satisfy my soul. I no longer want to live in the crippling fear of what may or can happen, but I want to hold on to the faith that You give to all those who ask, the faith that brings freedom and empowers me to live, to hope, to act, to give, to love..
I want to strive to give you all the glory, and remember that nothing I desire to achieve can be accomplished through my own abilities or can be pursued by my own strength. I am not in control and no matter how hard I try to be an element of change in the world around me, it is empty without You in it, without “me” out of it.
Lord please break me from this fleshly body of mine that wants nothing of you and that resists every trial God places on my doorsteps. Help me to embrace the challenges in my life with the sincerest parts of my heart, knowing that they will be painful but that the pain and the loss brings an inexplicable joy at the end. And may I fix my eyes upon beautiful Jesus, the author and perfecter of my faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.
In the words of A.W. Tozer in The Pursuit of God,
“The way to deeper knowledge of God is through the lonely valleys of soul poverty and abnegation of all things. The blessed ones who possess the Kingdom are they who have repudiated every external thing and have rooted from their hearts all sense of possessing. These are the ‘poor in spirit.’ They have reached an inward state paralleling the outward circumstances of the common beggar in the streets of Jerusalem; that is what the word ‘poor’ as Christ used it actually means. These blessed poor are no longer slaves to the tyranny of things. They have broken the yoke of the oppresor; and this they have done not by fighting but by surrendering. Though free from all sense of possessing, they yet possess all things. ‘Theirs is the kingdom of heaven.’ “
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sprite-filled revelations :)
imagine a freshly opened 2-liter bottle of Sprite.
and then imagine someone spitting in it, and handing it over for you to drink.
that’s what our speaker, jack tsai, used to illustrate God’s attitude towards sin today. i was so blessed by the message and the clear implications of it. God despises sin’s effect on us just as that small clump of spit cause us to deem a whole bottle of Sprite as repulsive, and magnified 1248920589 times. Sure, the bottle may look normal, still clear and fizzing and cool. but somehow, we can no longer be convinced to drink of it. no matter how good that bottle looks, it is still disgusting…
it’s a high and hard calling- to be set apart, to embrace sanctification and turn from our idols/addictions, but God promises us his presence and everything that comes along with it as we let go the things of this world. the cost is great, but the prize is even greater.
“Since we have these promises, dear friends, let us purify ourselves from everything that contaminates body and spirit, perfecting holiness out of reverence for God.” 2 Cor 7:1
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daddy daddy daddy
i love my dad, and one of my deepest desires in this lifetime is to see him saved. recently i’ve been spending time with him at work and witnessing how respected and loved he is among his coworkers and patients. i often think it’s ironic- that a man who works so hard to provide for his family, who has spent all his life exploring the minuscule workings of science to find truth, and who has given his life to save the lives of the sick, does not know the needs of his own soul. it’s easy for me to feel hopeless in sharing the gospel with my dad because his heart is so hardened and his mind is so set on what he believes to be true. it’s a struggle for me whenever i come home and even at various points throughout the school year when the spirit begins to tug on my heart to intercede for my dad. but today God reminded me that i’m not alone in quite the most awesome way ever.
i was working on some research slides in my dad’s office when one of his coworkers, a middle aged asian woman who i later found out was his PA, came in the room to study for her license renewal test. the later part is still questionable because she started asking me a bunch of questions about my college experience and adjusting during my first year, mentioning to me that she knew another girl the same year as me at berkeley that had struggled a lot to adjust. perhaps she was looking for a way to bring up spirituality because her face lit up when i told her my church up in berkeley had helped me adjust to college life.
“you’re christian? because your dad isn’t”
::nodd::
“is your mom a christian?”
“yeah, my mom’s a christian and my sister is too, so we all go to church together”
“ohhh”
i think she was surprised, but probably not as surprised as i was throughout the rest of our 30 minute conversation. this woman’s life was crazy: published poet, host of a Christian missionary broadcasting radio in China, witness to the end of the Chinese Cultural Revolution, oncology PA, aspiring medical missionary to China, and mother to two recently converted sons– in it all, her overwhelming love for the Lord. She shared with me how grateful she was that God had allowed her to have peace knowing that her entire family was saved, how she had recently spent a lot of time using her knowledge to try and share the gospel with a good friend of hers who had just passed away from lung cancer, and lastly, how deeply she desired for my dad to be saved.
this was like… my other half! not that my life is at all comparable to hers, but as a part of God’s work in my dad’s life. she had such a heart for God that all she wanted to do was to see everyone saved. she had been working with my dad for two years now, occasionally sharing stories with him and being a constant example of God’s love in my dad’s life.
GOD IS SO COOL!! maan, how refreshing it is to know that God had placed such an individual in my dad’s life. and how sobering it is to be reminded that God is working in my dad’s life as through this woman, and that there are a million other things unseen which God uses to move hearts. i may never know how God is changing my dad’s heart exactly but praise God for generously reminding me that that is not my job to know, but rather to believe.
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Tags: family, oncology
